after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
