similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I need moral support for this bender
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
