I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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