I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
