Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
