I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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