I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Randomize
