I'm really into asian looking animals
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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