I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
