Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Randomize
