don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
