Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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