FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
They have beer where we have blood.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
