9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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