if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I want a musical about memes.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
