You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
