There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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