Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
did i walk over a car last night?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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