her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
