these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
