We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
