I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
