he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
