I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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