Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Found the puke drawer
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
