I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
