wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
