Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
