Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
