burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
