my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
