You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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