i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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