Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
