do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
