i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Send help, water and tortillas.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
