if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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