Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
