I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
