i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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