I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
