So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
