It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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