i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
