the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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