my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
