it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
