All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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