i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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