So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
