whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
