I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
