dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
